Sunday, May 6, 2007

A Time for Reflection....

Well here I sit...it's the wee hours of the morning and I'm awake. Could it be I'm still awake or that I'm waking up this early? It doesn't really matter which it is....I'm kinda in a manic mode and can't sleep. I always turn to the net when I can't sleep...it's calming to me.

I've had lots to think about lately. I just reached a big milestone in my life. Yesterday marked my 3 year surgiversary. For those who don't recognize that term, that's WLSese for it's been 3 years since my surgery. I was real busy all day so didn't think much about it. Well in all honesty I thought it was the 4th. My mom is the one who told me it was the 5th. She has it marked on her calender.

So much has happened to me these past 3 years. This past year has been extremely difficult. But being the sponge for knowledge that I am, I've learned alot about dealing with Bipolar Disorder after having WLS. I've been speeding through cyberspace reading everything I can Google about it. Anything I thought might pertain to what I went through, I've researched it. I found tons of sites and those sites led me to still other sites and so on and so forth....

Although many people are embarking on this journey of living life after WLS, there is still so much we do not know about it's long term effects. Forms of WLS have been around for over 2 decades. The popularity of them has surged in the past five years. There is no across board standard of care, be it pre or post op. It varies by surgeon and surgery obtained. As one of my friends over in the LAWLS Neighborhood has stated....we are pioneers in this for those who come after us.

As I wrote in a previous post, two thirds of those having WLS have a history of some sort of severe mental illness. Mostly major depression, but there were others noted also. So in a sense things I'm going through my be relevant to them one day. That is why I started this blog. I have had an online journal for as long as I've had a computer, but I've always kept it private. They'll stay that way. They are only for my deepest personal thoughts.

This blog was started to serve a purpose. Well, purposes to be exact. First and foremost is to show that recovery is possible when you are diagnosed with a severe mental illness. Also to raise awareness in the general public about mental illness. Then there is the WLS issues. Here I want to share some of my knowledge with those wishing to have surgery. I also want to leave a lasting record of my journey, the good, the bad and the ugly. Then there are the combined issues of Bipolar disorder and WLS. Then of course there is my way of eating----strictly low carb. I want to give people the actual science behind why it works so they will quit with all that low fat mumbo jumbo. Matter of fact I've got a doozy of a post I'm working on that's gonna knock you over. So stay tuned. Then of course there are my social, political causes. But on to my reflective thoughts.

A question was posed in the Neighborhood yesterday to list why we love having had WLS. Most answered with things they can now do that they couldn't do as morbidly obese individuals. You wouldn't think something simple as being able to tie your own shoes, or not have to be a contortionist to wipe yourself after using the john would mean so much to people, but it does. It's the little everyday things that skinny people take for granted. Being able to fit in an airplane seat and buckle the seat belt, not having to look for the strongest chair to sit or having one stick to your rear end when you get up, or having to be smarter, funnier, always positive, a real over achiever just to prove yourself worthy of even existing. Everyone is judged on their looks. It's not right, it's not fair, it just is. Also it is still accepted in our society to poke fun at, tease, belittle someone who is obese. Who am I kidding they make fun of anyone who is different. But that is another pet peeve of mine, better left for another time.

I went at the question of what I love since having WLS a little differently from everyone else. For me it so much more than being able to tie my shoes and stuff. Even coming off all the meds I did for my diabetes, high blood pressure and other things isn't it. It really just boils down to me having a life I now deem worthy enough to actually live it.

I did a post recently dealing with suicide . I spent 2 weeks in intensive care following my last attempt. They didn't know if I would pull through or not from the damage done to myself. That's what landed me in the state hospital for a year. Coming back across that line was the hardest thing I've ever had to do in my life. I know in my heart of hearts, that if I had not had WLS I would not be sitting here today. I would have ended back in the deep dark pit .......but this time I would have stayed......never to rise again....

8 comments:

^M!R@G3^ ChoPPeR said...

I'm glad you're here today. Your blog is especially impactful and I'm looking forward to seeing more.

- Chopper

Marla said...

Happy Belated Sugiversary.

This is a wonderful post. "We are the pioneers!" And babe, your blog suits all the purposes you want it to. Powerful post... especially the last paragraph. I am glad you came back across the line!

BamaGal said...

Chopper, thanks for stopping by...even your comments are as powerful as your writings, thank you :)

TG!! thank you honey---you know I love you my friend

Suzique said...

Great post, Bamagal! You are inspirational in your honesty and all you've gone through to come out stronger.

Kaye Bailey said...

I am so proud of you!

Anonymous said...

BAma, my friend, we each have our own journeys and struggles but we all also share part of the burden together. you are accomplishing much in helping others by trying to learn more about yourself. Take care, Pooh

Anonymous said...

Thank you for taking the time to share your experiences. It means a lot and is very helpful.

Do you know how proud I am of you?! You are very much loved.

- Andie J

Anonymous said...

Bama,

I wanted to take a moment and wish you a Happy Blated Surgiversary, as well.
You are such an inspiration to me, both as a fellow WLS'er and a nurse. You are a fountain of knowledge and have offered much insightfulness to me. You have succeeded in overcoming the challenges of wls while dealing with the issues of your mental illness as well. Not many people can say that. Thanks for being a part of neighborhood. Please know that you are constantly in my thoughts and prayers. Hugs to you. Sharon