Monday, May 5, 2008

Time for reflection once again.....

Yesterday was the 4th anniversary of my WLS.

WOW......what a difference a year makes.

I had a heck of a post all planned to post yesterday. Going into all the new problems that have cropped up for me thanks to the WLS. But in writing that post I wanted to go back and read what I wrote last year. I won't post it all but here is a part that made me stop and think.....

A question was posed in the Neighborhood yesterday to list why we love having had WLS. Most answered with things they can now do that they couldn't do as morbidly obese individuals. You wouldn't think something simple as being able to tie your own shoes, or not have to be a contortionist to wipe yourself after using the john would mean so much to people, but it does. It's the little everyday things that skinny people take for granted. Being able to fit in an airplane seat and buckle the seat belt, not having to look for the strongest chair to sit or having one stick to your rear end when you get up, or having to be smarter, funnier, always positive, a real over achiever just to prove yourself worthy of even existing. Everyone is judged on their looks. It's not right, it's not fair, it just is. Also it is still accepted in our society to poke fun at, tease, belittle someone who is obese. Who am I kidding they make fun of anyone who is different. But that is another pet peeve of mine, better left for another time.

I went at the question of what I love since having WLS a little differently from everyone else. For me it so much more than being able to tie my shoes and stuff. Even coming off all the meds I did for my diabetes, high blood pressure and other things isn't it. It really just boils down to me having a life I now deem worthy enough to actually live it.

I did a post recently dealing with suicide . I spent 2 weeks in intensive care following my last attempt. They didn't know if I would pull through or not from the damage done to myself. That's what landed me in the state hospital for a year. Coming back across that line was the hardest thing I've ever had to do in my life. I know in my heart of hearts, that if I had not had WLS I would not be sitting here today. I would have ended back in the deep dark pit .......but this time I would have stayed......never to rise again....
You can read the rest of the post for more of my reflections.

I admit, I got a wee bit emotional reading my own words.

A second post came out of it singing the praises of WLS and thanking the higher powers that I am even here to see another day. Right before I hit the publish button. I had a chilling revelation......one of the biggest reasons I was so miserable being fat (miserable enough to contemplate suicide) was how I was viewed by others. Then I got mad......another post came out of that. Well it's not getting published either.

My reflections are really just this.......being fat is not bad for your health. But in this thin crazed, fat-phobic world of ours being fat is the worst thing you can be. I was accepting of that fact last year by saying it was just the way it was. I've realized I don't have to accept societies views. Discrimination sucks on all levels. So Fat Acceptance and Health at Every Size is my newest cause.

WLS is not the answer for what ails you---accepting yourself as you are is a strong key to a better life and better health. So I'm joining a fellow blogger who had WLS, Big Fat Delicious, in declaring a war on WLS and dieting.


5 comments:

vesta44 said...

vesta44 from Big Fat Delicious -
Wow....just - wow. I have said a couple of times that I wish I had had the internet available to me back almost 11 years ago, when I had my VBG. I would have done research on it (I'm infamous for researching all kinds of stuff online, ever since I got my first pc and first dial-up connection 10 years ago) and probably not had it done at all.
I'm lucky that I don't have the severe complications that other people have had with WLS, I think maybe VBG had fewer complications? But those complications of others, and the death of my best friend due to 2 failed VBGs are why I blog about FA and HAES. I just wish I had known about them 15 years ago.
So anyway, welcome to FA/HAES, every additional voice helps get the word out that diets and WLS aren't the magic bullet to cure all the ills that a fat-phobic society causes fat people.

HoneyBee said...

((Bama))your post touched me, because I could feel all the real, honest, raw emotion, that went into writing and sharing it with others.

Your message is so important, because "healthy" does come in different sizes.

A person should not feel like they must risk their health, to fit into the size 4 jeans, that society has laid out for us to wear.

Suzique said...

Great post, Bamagal. My best friend is seriously contemplating WLS since the big "60 Minutes" piece saying it would cure her out-of-control diabetes. I'd like to be thin(ner), but not at that cost. Learning to like myself at any size is the challenge!

Medusa said...

{{{Bama}}}

What a heartfelt, candid post. I echo all of HoneyBee's comments.

You have come SO far in your journey to self-acceptance.

I know I am not alone in cheering you on as your journey continues.

Bradley said...

I relate to so much of what you have to say in your blog. One thing you missed on your list that skinny people don't get is walking into a restaurant that has no dining chairs, only booths. It is so open and public it's one of the most humiliating things I experience.

Thank you for your blog